• J'Elle

In Dependence

Some people need to be desired.

While others desire to be needed.

Both are their own hell, I suppose. Two locked doors with one master key. Needs and desires are often mistaken for each other. A line blurred for endless reasons from sheer ignorance, to trauma, & codependency, etc. It is an area of vulnerability that requires a willingness to be transparent in what drives either end of that spectrum. There's a lot of unnecessary weight to the concepts of needing and desiring, so much so that they can even be mistaken for weakness or greed.

I measure the importance of things by how much value thoughts, people and things add to my life or not. The approach to examining this with clarity for me is to examine my needs and desires from a place of wholeness & peace, not when I have lack mentality & doubt in that particular area of my life. This means feeling centered, grateful and confident that all my needs are being met and my desires manifesting in real time. This is the time to really harness the energy of the two.

I look around & I literally have some of the best people in my life. I see them energetically as a reflection of myself, knowing I too am one of the best people in their lives as well.

It was rare that I felt equally desired growing up in friendships and relationships as I was often needed by other people more than not. In childhood, I felt needed by those I couldn't always trust to need due to repeated neglect. It's one thing to feel like you don't need certain things or people, it's a whole other to not really understand how to allow yourself to need another person. I am coming out of a place of overcompensating my fear of needing & what has felt at times like an inability to need others. This overcompensation has looked like overly desiring others or placing them on a pedestal.

To be too independent, to not need another, is a different form of being in dependence of something else altogether. Rigid self-control leads to isolation and in some cases victimhood. There's a saying that "everyone needs someone." Exploring this feels very raw, but I am honoring my need to release any lingering resistance or fear and make space for the abundance of people I can lovingly depend on reciprocally. There's so much humility and trust in this surrender and this feels like the missing key to balance all that I need and desire in this beautiful life.

S E L F. Selfish, selfless, self full. (A study on disjointed text design)

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